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<!-- NEWS -->
<table bgcolor="#FFCC99" border="0" cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" width="100%"><tr><td><p class="title">
&nbsp; 07.11.2002 GnomeREPORT </p></td></tr></table><p>
<p class="sidebar"><table cellpadding="10" cellspacing="0" border="0"><tr><td><font style="font-size: 10pt" face="Verdana, Tahoma, Arial" size="2">
<A HREF="http://www.lockergnome.com/lgstore/sunshop/index.php?action=item&id=68"><img src="http://www.lockergnome.com/lgstore/sunshop/images/productpics/computerbasics.jpg" alt="TechTV's Computer Basics" height="109" width="63" border="2" hspace="10" align="left"></a>
<b>CHRIS TEACHES THE BASICS:</b> If you've got friends or family who want to learn more about their PC, from a guy who makes things nice and easy, check out the VHS release of <a href="http://www.lockergnome.com/lgstore/sunshop/index.php?action=item&id=68">Computer Basics</a> in the GnomeStore. Chris teams with TechTV cohort, Kate Botello, to lead novices on a journey through their computer. From basic interactions, to installing apps, to using the Internet and e-mail, Chris and Kate have all the basics covered. Help out a friend and  <a href="http://www.lockergnome.com/lgstore/sunshop/index.php?action=item&id=68">get them a copy</a> today.    
</font></td></tr></table></p>
Wednesday's trip went fairly smooth overall, and I actually 
enjoyed helping out my friend Larry with some server 
software installation and network configuration tasks. His 
kids seemed impressed with the new ability to copy files 
between the five different computers and have Internet 
access at any of them. Ahh, yes... geeks in the making.

<p>After that project was finished, I met up with Jake at a 
nearby Starbucks to shoot the breeze and catch up on all 
things Lockergnome. We email all the time, but it's nice to 
have a face-to-face conversation for a change. He had just 
finished establishing new phone service with Verizon, so he 
has a fun new PalmOS-based phone to play with.

<p>After the dose of caffeine, I headed up to Boone, Iowa to 
hook up with my cousin Casey and his wife of two months, 
Stephanie. Their new house is awesome, but disappointing, as 
there was no high-speed Internet connection or wireless 
networking. We'll have to fix that. For now, I'll remain 
impressed with the geothermal heating/cooling system and the 
vast potential of the unfinished basement that will someday 
make an incredible rec room [insert suitable Tim Allen grunt 
here]. 

<p>Casey is ticked about all of the rain recently because it 
keeps eroding his dirt front yard into the drainage ditch. 
The back yard is in great shape, as there was sod laid after 
construction finished up, but he decided to save a few bucks 
and seed the front himself next spring. This now assumes 
that he'll have a front yard left by then.

<p>The rain turned out to be the last event of the evening. 
I drove through the beginning of the storms on the way from 
Ankeny to Boone, and I just knew it was going to be a rough 
drive home later since they were only getting started at 
that time. I was correct. What would normally be an hour and 
45 minute drive turned into nearly two and a half hours and 
many, many animal sightings. As the night wore on, I was 
half expecting to see someone building an ark in a 
cornfield. Must have been where the animals were headed.

<p>The rain guage at home showed 3.25" this morning, adding 
to the 1.25" and 2.5" amounts dumped out of it within the 
last week. I considered setting the sprinkler up in the 
front yard today as an attempt at neighborly humor, but 
figured I'd just be labeled as a complete moron instead. 

<p>So, what did I forget to take with me, you ask? 
Directions to Larry's house. DOH! I had to dig out the 
notebook at a close rest area in a vain attempt to quickly 
memorize the route. Instead, I decided to transcribe the 
list on my Jornada, which would be far easier (and safer) to 
read as I navigated through the streets. There's still a use 
for printers in this world, without question. Reading text 
from the tiny screen bites. Larger print and bold text on a 
sheet of paper is the way to go. At least I didn't leave my 
PDA at home as well, which I actually considered doing.

<p align="right">See You in <a target="_blank" href="http://www.gnomedex.com/">August</a>,&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;<br><font style="font-size: 23pt" face="Randy Nieland, Chris Pirillo, Comic Sans MS, Script" size="5">Randy Nieland&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;</font></P>


<!-- GnomeNETWORK -->
<p><br><table bgcolor="#FFCC99" border="0" cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" width="100%"><tr><td><p class="title">&nbsp;GnomeNETWORK</p></td></tr></table><p>

<b>Satellite Internet Delays Add Up</b>

<p><a class="url" href="http://www.skycasters.com/supervpnwhitepaper.htm">http://www.skycasters.com/supervpnwhitepaper.htm</a>

<p>Have you considered moving to a satellite Internet 
provider at some point? While all of the marketing hype 
paints a rosy picture, there are a couple of things that you 
really must consider before writing the check. The birds are 
some 23,000 miles above the surface of the planet, so there 
is a significant delay while the bits float up and back 
down. The absolute minimum time for a packet to get from one 
place to another is nearly a quarter of a second. Add in 
hops across the Internet and other hardware latency and it's 
common to see ping times of between 500 and 1000 
milliseconds - an eternity when you're talking about TCP/IP 
connections. Now consider how VPN connections are affected, 
being that they are generally significantly slower on the 
ground without the extra 46,000 miles. Ouch! This white 
paper is a tad marketing driven, but I think their 
explanation of technology and how they are addressing VPN-
over-satellite connections is quite informative.



<!-- GnomeSYSTEM -->
<p><br><table bgcolor="#FFCC99" border="0" cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" width="100%"><tr><td><p class="title">&nbsp;GnomeSYSTEM</p></td></tr></table><p>

<b>PGP Outlook Plug-in Vulnerability</b>

<p><a class="url" href="http://www.nai.com/naicommon/download/upgrade/patches/patch-pgphotfix.asp">http://www.nai.com/naicommon/download/upgrade/patches/patch-pgphotfix.asp</a>

<p>Even encryption software is potentially exposed to 
security problems. Network Associates' PGP software, which 
interfaces directly with Microsoft Outlook, has been found 
to be vulnerable to malicious code within an email. Exposed 
systems can be made to execute code of the attacker's 
choice, and because email can be sent from anywhere and to 
anywhere. Tracking down the source could be rather 
difficult. Hotfixes for each of NAI's products are available 
on their website.

<!-- GnomeALERTZ -->
<p><br><table bgcolor="#FFCC99" border="0" cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" width="100%"><tr><td><p class="title">&nbsp;GnomeALERTZ</p></td></tr></table><p>

<b>Today's Top 5 kbAlertz</b>

<p><ul>

<li><a class="url" href="http://www.kbAlertz.com/redir.aspx?kbnumber=Q311885">Q311885 - TAPI Error 0x8000022 Occurs with an English (Canada) or French (Canada) System Locale (Q311885)</a></li>

<li><a class="url" href="http://www.kbAlertz.com/redir.aspx?kbnumber=Q311842">Q311842 - Help and Support May Stop Responding When You Use the Network Diagnostic Tool (Q311842)</a></li>

<li><a class="url" href="http://www.kbAlertz.com/redir.aspx?kbnumber=Q311838">Q311838 - An OpenGL Program May Cause an Access Violation in Windows XP 64-Bit Edition (Q311838)</a></li>

<li><a class="url" href="http://www.kbAlertz.com/redir.aspx?kbnumber=Q311542">Q311542 - Devices May Not Power Up Properly When Resuming From Standby (Q311542)</a></li>

<li><a class="url" href="http://www.kbAlertz.com/redir.aspx?kbnumber=Q311345">Q311345 - Long Delay with No Prompt Between the Time When You Click Finish and When the Desktop Loads (Q311345)</a></li>


</ul></p> 

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<font style="font-size: 10pt" face="Verdana, Tahoma, Arial" size="2">
<b>GET WINDOWS XP TIPS:</b> Months after the release of Windows XP Professional and Home editions, people are still learning the nuances of Microsoft's newest operating system. Whether you've been using it for a while or are planning to upgrade to the new OS soon, this ebook is right up your alley. 
<a href="   http://store.eSellerate.net/s.asp?s=STR550611850&Cmd=BUY&SKURefnum=SKU3000768669&AFFIDC=AFF669529939">GET YOUR COPY</a> 
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<p><br><table bgcolor="#FFCC99" border="0" cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" width="100%"><tr><td><p class="title">&nbsp;GnomeASSISTANT</p></td></tr></table><p>

<b>Intro to Relational Databases</b>

<p><a class="url" href="http://www.15seconds.com/issue/020522.htm">http://www.15seconds.com/issue/020522.htm</a>

<p>You know what a database is, right? Sure you do. Can you 
explain what a relational database is all about? Correctly? 
There's a lot more to database management and development 
than dumping a bunch of records into tables and generating 
reports. Proper design is crucial. Trust me. I've been on 
the receiving end of some lazy programming efforts that 
ignore the foundation of relational databases, and it 
usually results in additional work later.

<!-- GnomeSTUFF -->
<p><br><table bgcolor="#FFCC99" border="0" cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" width="100%"><tr><td><p class="title">&nbsp;GnomeSTUFF</p></td></tr></table><p>

<b>Smile While You Surf</b>

<p>I like creative use of 404 pages, so sue me. Some of you have complained about the one Chris created for display when you come across a bogus link on the Lockergnome web site, which I don't understand. Would you rather stare at that stupid-looking, uninformative and generally useless one that your browser provides by default? 

<p>Cramsession.com posted some unique "excuses" for their site being down for maintenance, and I thought I'd share a few:

<ul><li><p>Roses are red
<br>Our web site is resting
<br>We're fixing the server
<br>While Everquesting

<li>In the interest of research, we're testing to see how long it takes a Network Administrator to get through a people-size maze to the web servers. As soon as he finds them, we'll be back online... Unless the Marketing Minotaur gets him first.

<li>Suicide note found on the web server: "I've had it. I can't take the heat anymore. You ran me ragged, and what thanks did I get? None. Null. Nothing. I gave and I gave, and you still wanted more I spent every second of my day trying to make you happy, but it was never enough. Always work faster, do more, stay late, work overtime, be more efficient. I was never good enough for you anyway. You deserve better. Signed CPU." 

<li>You have reached the Cramsession Maintenance Page.
While you are staring at this page, waiting for the website to come back up, (should take about an hour or two) We'd like to offer the following fun activities:

<ol><li>Hold your breath until you see black spots dancing in front of your eyes.
<br><li>Spin around in your chair until you get nauseous. Wheee!
<br><li>Pretend your mouse is a microphone. Dictate a memo into it where you outline your plans for global domination.
<li>Connect the dots!
<br>.&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;.&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;.&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;.&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;.&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;.&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;.

<li>Get monitor cleaner so you can wipe ink off of screen from connecting the dots.</ol> 


<li>We apologise for the inconvenience of our missing web site. We're doing something really "high tech" and "important" behind this "maintenance" curtain. We'll be back just as soon as we catch all the gophers.....Again.

<li>HELP! I'm locked in the Server Room. Please send Help! And I'm running out of potato chips, too!</ul>




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<A target="_blank" HREF="http://lockergnome.pricegrabber.com/search_getprod.php/masterid=517946/">Yamaha RX-V1200</A><BR>
<A target="_blank" HREF="http://lockergnome.pricegrabber.com/search_getprod.php/masterid=469475/">Sony DAVC900</A><BR>
<A target="_blank" HREF="http://lockergnome.pricegrabber.com/search_getprod.php/masterid=533869/">Harman Kardon	AVR520</A><BR>
<A target="_blank" HREF="http://lockergnome.pricegrabber.com/search_getprod.php/masterid=567695/">Denon	AVR5803</A><BR>
<A target="_blank" HREF="http://lockergnome.pricegrabber.com/search_getprod.php/masterid=568577/">Pioneer VSXD811S</A><BR>
<A target="_blank" HREF="http://lockergnome.pricegrabber.com/search_getprod.php/masterid=533871/">Pioneer Elite	VSX49TX</A><BR>
<A target="_blank" HREF="http://lockergnome.pricegrabber.com/search_getprod.php/masterid=585097/">Sony HTDDW840</A><BR>
<A target="_blank" HREF="http://lockergnome.pricegrabber.com/search_getprod.php/masterid=573619/">Yamaha HTR5560</A><BR>
<A target="_blank" HREF="http://lockergnome.pricegrabber.com/search_getprod.php/masterid=527408/">BOSE LS122BK</A><BR>
<A target="_blank" HREF="http://lockergnome.pricegrabber.com/search_getprod.php/masterid=585096/">Sony DAVC450</A><BR>

</center>

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bgcolor="#FFEEDD"><tr><td><p class="sidebar">GNOMESPECIALS</p></td></tr></table><br>
&nbsp;<a target="_blank" title="Share your team/project contacts, calendars, tasks, etc. in MS Oulook 2002, without a server!" href="http://outlook.4team.biz/?fr=gnome">Manage Your Workgroup</a><br>
&nbsp;<a target="_blank" title="Software for filling in paper forms on your computer instead of a typewriter" href="http://www.colorpilot.com/typewriter.html">Form Pilot</a><br>
&nbsp;<a target="_blank" title="It's both fun and functional! Hear the time, set alarms, style your taskbar clock, sync your PC time, and more. Try Say the Time free for
30 days." href="http://www.provenio.ws/saythetime/">Say the Time 5.0</a><br>
&nbsp;<a target="_blank" title="Convert MP3, WAV, AVI, JPG, GIF, and PNG to the SWF format for no buffer streaming" href="http://www.gfx2swf.com/gnome-special/">Boomer - Stream Now</a><br>
&nbsp;<a target="_blank" title="Creating Web/CD catalogs with HyperPublish is really a snap! Not just an editor but a quick, powerful all-in-one environment for creating stunning catalogs, CDs and Web sites!" href="http://www.hyperpublish.com/create_a_catalog_000018.htm">Create Web/CD catalog</a><br>
&nbsp;<a target="_blank" title="Create your Web site in minutes with this easy-to-use visual tool!" href="http://www.easywebeditor.com/create_web_page_000004.htm">Easy Web Editor</a><br>
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